by Lars Swensen

BREAKING MOSQUITO NEWS – Mosquitoes are out in full force in Bunyan Bay. Yesterday, as you all know, the whole town was put in quarantine because of a freak encephalitis outbreak. It started at the Senior Center, and to take every precaution, the whole town was not allowed to leave their homes. Just to clear up any misconceptions, encephalitis is not when your feet get giant sized. That’s elephantiasis. Encephalitis is when you get bit by mosquitoes, fall asleep, then you die. It turns out that it was a false alarm. It was nap time at the Senior Center. Everyone is now allowed to go outside.

And, no, the Minnesota state bird is not the mosquito. The state bird is the Loon, which is a crazy name for a bird, literally, because it means, “crazy.”

In other summer news, we had a great 4th of July parade. Kanute Gunderson won the best parade float with his entry, “A Big Fish,” made out of styrofoam. Unfortunately, after the parade, a big gust of wind came up and carried it away. If anyone finds the float, please return it to Kanute.

In closing, Jimmy Lundeen almost blew off his little toe with a cherry bomb. That’ll teach you to try and blow up old man Hansen’s mailbox.